I felt flat last Thursday. Not sad, or anxious, or discontented, just flat. I’d had a couple of late nights. Maybe the flatness was creative burnout. My head had been whizzing around, producing a lot of writing – a lovely feeling, but unsustainable.
I walked down to the Post Office to buy a stamp, taking a deep breath before I left the house. I was particularly jittery that day. I noted that I would have felt the same even if there were no people around, so it couldn’t have been social anxiety in this instance. I couldn’t work out how to walk or how to arrange my face! Disconnected.
When I finished in the Post Office, I glimpsed into the Continue reading
My blog post with the most views and comments is ‘Be the Weakest Person at Crossfit.’ It was a joy to write and something I still believe in, but I’ve realised that my own ‘athletic identity’ needs to change now.
Being an exercise ‘noob’ has given me scope for humorous writing! It’s been fun to turn my athletic ‘failings’ into a joke. I have been able to fully emphasise with new Crossfitters, encouraging them to keep going, sharing my experiences in vivid detail.
So, why does this need to change? Because Continue reading
Today, I ran as fast as I could for 8mins 35secs, shaving 5secs off my PB for that distance. It was exhilarating! As I took a shower, I was thinking about the speed I could manage when I started running a few years ago – I might have looked like a ‘jogger.’
Jogging is defined as ‘the activity of running at a steady, gentle pace as a form of physical exercise’.
But nothing about my running experience has ever been ‘gentle.’ It’s always been a huge challenge. What appeared to some people as ‘jogging’ was usually my maximum effort at that time. Continue reading
On March 1st, I began a Gratitude Journal. It involves writing down five things I’m grateful for every day. I hadn’t thought I would find it particularly helpful, but I saw the benefits instantly.
There’s something about writing it down. It changes the way you look at everything throughout the day. If you look for all the brown things in your room, then brown is all you see. But if you look for yellow…
There are days when it’s a huge strain to find the Continue reading
While I was away for graduation in November, I made a big decision: I’m going to stop conducting the Beginner and Intermediate Bands at the end of this academic year.
I sat in the Holiday Inn in Cardiff with my friend and began to talk about the future. It was clear that something needed to change.
I’d struggled for quite a few months. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to Continue reading
I have a migraine. I dragged myself out of bed and walked around to my Grandad’s, to check he’d taken his tablets. Spring has chosen today to…spring. It’s my favourite weather: bright, the odd cloud, and just a hint of chill in the breeze. What a waste.
When I left my Grandad’s, I decided to fight the pain. I trudged up the road for a few minutes, hiding behind sunglasses, trapped in my own world. Keep your balance, Hannah. As cars passed by, I paid them no attention. I didn’t exist.
I began to think of the times I’ve Continue reading
Our relationship with Mum cannot be defined by a single special moment. It’s constant ‘little things’ which add up to something bigger, as I reflected a few weeks ago.
I’d had a horrible Crossfit session. The workout itself was fine, but people’s shouts of encouragement and the loud music had driven me into mental overload. I ran out of the room a minute before the end.
When I arrived home, I was in tears, frustrated with the situation and my hypersensitive nature. Mum gave me a hug. She pointed into the kitchen, where Continue reading