Time to Say Goodbye…

Friday 13.9.19

I’m moving back to North Wales on Sunday.

‘I mustn’t forget to leave the house key!’ I joked to Mum, who has arrived to help me pack and drive me back. (Rhyme unintentional.)

And then it hit me. I’m leaving the house key. I’m leaving.

I haven’t been able to process it much over the past couple of weeks, apart from a couple of, Continue reading

Life Update: What Next?

29.7.19

I’m moving back to North Wales in seven weeks. This is three weeks earlier than planned. My great aunt’s house is being sold to pay for her care, and although I probably wouldn’t have to move out before the end of September anyway, it works out easier this way.

My Creative Writing MA ends in early October. It’s just the dissertation left now – 15,000 words of short stories – and I’m about a third of the way through. I’m enjoying it so far. Initially, I wanted to stay in Cornwall until I’d finished, but in some ways, I think I’d prefer to be back ‘home’ so that I don’t have to cope with both changes at once.

It’s only occurred to me recently that I’m Continue reading

A Life in Ornaments

I’m sitting on the carpet, cleaning ornaments. I would say ‘dusting’ ornaments, but as some of these have been sitting out for many years, ‘dusting’ doesn’t seem to go far enough.

I underestimated the emotional difficulty of sorting Great Aunt’s things. I imagined being quite impartial, not having known her that well, or having spent much time with her. I remember her from when I was young and finding her a little bit austere, but now…

I know her as the lady who had to Continue reading

Unexpected Homecoming

I arrived back in North Wales last night. The decision was only made on Sunday, so it’s all been a bit of a whirlwind. I will be here for a few weeks.

As I stepped through the door, I thought everything seemed different at home. I couldn’t work out why. Had things been moved around? No, I don’t think so. I was just looking at everything in a new light, more objectively. I’ve got used to things in the other house.

I walked into the Continue reading

About to Leave Home

Wednesday 19.9.18 – 10pm

Two more sleeps until moving day! I make it sound like Christmas. That’s how I’ve been feeling: fidgetingly festive, with itchy feet, and I can’t decide what to do with myself.

I only had two jobs today – pack for the move and wash the dishes, both of which I’d accomplished by early afternoon. Since then, I’ve been killing time; a bit of YouTube, a bit of writing. Waiting.

It has been a strange couple of weeks, saying goodbye to loads of people. I didn’t realise I knew so many! Friends, family, church, writing group, junior bands, senior band… My introvert brain is exhausted, but I’m touched at all the thoughtful goodbyes – by which I mean cake, hehe. I expect I’ll be home for Christmas. (Is that a promise or a threat?)

I have a strong sense of Continue reading

I Was Scared

Friday 7.9.18

I’m terrified about moving nine hours away from home.

That’s the only logical explanation. The only logical reason for the constant anxiety over the past few days, the extreme panic attacks – six on Wednesday alone. I was totally crippled.

It’s only today that I’ve noticed I’m simply not breathing. I’m having to do it consciously, because when I lose focus, I find I’m holding it again. Oh dear!

It might seem obvious, Continue reading

Seeing My Cornwall Home

I peered through the taxi window as we drove into the street. There it was. A detached bungalow in a quiet cul-de-sac. The house I saw once last year, briefly, and a few times during my childhood. The house that’s going to be my home for a year.

‘Let’s go in slowly,’ I whispered to my brother, Jonny. ‘I want to remember every second.’

The taxi driver said, ‘Okay, that’s £9.90…Let’s call it £9.50.’

I gave him Continue reading