Buying Shoes

Room 101 Series: Day 7/7

Every day is a celebration for people with average feet who love buying shoes; today’s blog post is for the rest of us.

Seriously. I hate buying shoes.

It used to be quite fun when I was little, going into Clarks with my Mum and two brothers and having our feet measured. The shop assistant would then Continue reading

Train Toilets

Room 101 Series: Day 5/7

Okay, Virgin Train Toilet, I don’t want to be talked at when I’m trying to do my business. Not even a little bit. Well, you can tell me that the door is safely locked, but then be quiet.

Speaking of which, those doors are creepy, although full marks for disabled access. I’m a control freak – I don’t want my doors opened and closed at the push of a button and, more specifically, I don’t want them locked and unlocked that way. Nobody wants to be the person who doesn’t remember to lock it…I digress.

When I was travelling by train recently, the Continue reading

When Someone Steals Your Harmony

Room 101 Series: Day 4/7

There’s always some ‘musician’ who comes along and steals all your juicy notes. It’s the way of the world.

Why are they your notes in the first place, Hannah? Well, because I sing a consistent tenor line, serving my time (as it were), looking forward to the wonderful moment in which I can cadence with the middle of the chord – the sandwich filling. But no, some impostor swoops in. They’re far louder, infuriatingly out of tune, and as smug as if they’d invented music itself. The reward for your virtuosic labours has been stolen from you, STOLEN, I SAY!

There’s the same problem in brass band. I’m The Continue reading

Lack of Eye Contact

Room 101 Series: Day 3/7

I have great empathy with people who don’t make eye contact. It can be hard for many reasons, such as tiredness, illness, shyness, lack of confidence, and full-blown social anxiety. I had a bad moment of anxiety the other day – my brother pointed out afterwards that I wasn’t looking someone in the eye during the conversation. So, I get it.

However, some people are routinely choosy with their eye contact, making you feel as if you’ve failed some great test. It happens a fair amount in cliques, showing you that you’re simply not cool enough to be acknowledged by them. Perhaps they would have to say ‘hello’ back if they condescended to catching your eye – we can’t be having that now, can we?

There are times you’re having a Continue reading

People who Interfere with the Serving Process

Room 101 Series: Day 2/7

Eating out is lovely. It’s even more lovely when the people you’re with don’t insist on interfering with the serving process. This is something my friend drew attention to recently.

The server/waiter/waitress, let’s call them Karen, comes up to a group table and says, ‘Macaroni cheese?’ Now, presumably, the idea is that the person whose dish it is raises their hand, and says, ‘Me,’ or ‘Yes, please’, or ‘Mmm, yeah baby, I won the food-ordering game.’

Jeremy, the world’s self-proclaimed leading connoisseur of cheesy pasta, probably Continue reading

Teapots that Don’t Pour Properly

Room 101 Series: Day 1/7

I can’t say I often use a teapot – I’m a teabag-in-a-mug kind of person (when I’m not drinking coffee, that is). I bought a couple when I was young, enjoying the sense of ceremony, which I’ve now passed over in favour of glugging the caffeine as quickly as possible.

If I do drink tea in a café, I regain the feeling of excitement (‘Shall I be mother and pour the tea?’). There is a moment of held breath as I pick up the teapot and attempt to pour…and… Continue reading

Room 101: Putting Coins on Top of the Receipt

You’re standing at the checkout, waiting for your change. The cashier piles up the coins on top of a receipt and thrusts them into your hand. The coins slip and slide as you try to catch them with your other hand, whilst also grappling with your purse, your Bag for Life, your coffee cup, your tiredness, and all your hope for humanity.

Meanwhile, the cashier has turned to the next customer, preparing to destroy your already dented spirits with a deluge of groceries. What are you supposed to do?

There’s the dignified method of Continue reading