I’m Not Good at Being Ill

I have a nasty cold – sore throat (hard to talk), blocked nose, slight temperature, get tired quickly… The fact that I’m writing this blog post suggests that I’m not quite at death’s door. I’m in that frustrating situation where if I was slightly better I could keep to my normal routine, and if I was slightly worse then I wouldn’t have the energy to be annoyed!

I hate having to cancel lessons. Each text I send brings a fresh sensation of ‘letting people down’. The fact that my pupils and their parents are the sweetest, most understanding people, doesn’t completely take that away. I still feel it. I hate not being able to work. I hate it that I can’t hold a book up for long. I hate it that honey and lemon is so soothing, when I don’t like the taste. I hate it that writing this will tire me out, even if it’s soothing for my mind.

I suppose being stuck in bed is giving me time to think. As I said in my post, ‘Migraines Make Me a Better Person’ , there are often advantages to being temporarily removed from the busyness of life. It’s amazing that you can be crazily busy all the time, but when you’re ill it’s reduced to nothing. Suddenly, you’re not busy at all – it’s like an enforced holiday! And I don’t like it. It might be enjoyable if I wasn’t feeling rubbish. Actually, I’m not sure about that – I’m itching to get back to my life.

I want to be able to teach, I want to be able to conduct, I want to be able to play trombone, I want to be able to go to Crossfit, I want to be able to run, I want to be able to read and write (without collapsing afterwards), I want to be able to see friends and family, and I want to know what’s going on outside (beyond what I can see through the skylight).

Sorry for the whining, Mum, and thank you for the comfort food and sympathy. Yes, I’m terrible at being ill! I should learn to be gracious, and patiently wait to recover. Until that happens, I shall feed my body with Vitamin C, and feed my sanity with chocolate raisins.


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